Friday, April 03, 2015
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas gift
on Vimeo.
Megumi Fujii vs Mei Yamaguchi 2 Rounds x 5 Mins. 115lbs at VALE TUDO JAPAN 2012
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
How Much Do Music Artists Earn Online?
How Much Do Music Artists Earn Online?
April 13, 2010
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/2010/how-much-do-music-artists-earn-online/
Recently, the UK government passed The Digital Economy Act which included many, perhaps draconian, measures to combat online music piracy (including withdrawing broadband access for persistent pirates).
Much was proclaimed about how these new laws would protect musicians and artists revenue and livelihoods.
But how much money do musicians really get paid in this new digital marketplace?
How Much Do Music Artists Really Earn Online?
This image is based on an excellent post at The Cynical Musician called The Paradise That Should Have Been about pitiful digital royalties. (Thanks to Neilon for pointing that out). I’ve taken his calculations and added a few more.
As ever, this was incredibly difficult to research. Industry figures are hard to get hold of. Some are even secret. Last.Fm’s royalty and payment system is beyond comprehension. (If you can explain it to me, please get in touch)
Note: these figures do not include publishing royalties (paid to composers of songs). The full spreadsheet of data does though. You can see all the numbers and sources here:http://bit.ly/DigitalRoyalty
April 13, 2010
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/2010/how-much-do-music-artists-earn-online/
Recently, the UK government passed The Digital Economy Act which included many, perhaps draconian, measures to combat online music piracy (including withdrawing broadband access for persistent pirates).
Much was proclaimed about how these new laws would protect musicians and artists revenue and livelihoods.
But how much money do musicians really get paid in this new digital marketplace?
How Much Do Music Artists Really Earn Online?
This image is based on an excellent post at The Cynical Musician called The Paradise That Should Have Been about pitiful digital royalties. (Thanks to Neilon for pointing that out). I’ve taken his calculations and added a few more.
As ever, this was incredibly difficult to research. Industry figures are hard to get hold of. Some are even secret. Last.Fm’s royalty and payment system is beyond comprehension. (If you can explain it to me, please get in touch)
Note: these figures do not include publishing royalties (paid to composers of songs). The full spreadsheet of data does though. You can see all the numbers and sources here:http://bit.ly/DigitalRoyalty
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Urban setting
J2017 : Out Of The Blue - Urban Setting
http://www.yolkrecords.com/spip/spip.php?article18
tracklist :
01. Urban setting
02. Seven o’clock
03. Pulse
04. R12
05. Bean
06. Egg’s story
07. Too late
08. Tunnelling process
09. Talkin’ to myself
10. Stars
11. Chirpy (part1)
12. Chirpy(part2)
line-up :
Wilfried Chevalier : batterie
Frédéric Chiffoleau : contrebasse, basse
Chloé Cailleton : chant
Jean-Patrick Cosset : Wurlitzer, space echo,Fender Rhodes
François Ripoche : saxophones, flûtes, samples, clavier (7), voix (12)
invitée Anne Morineau : violon
Sample on deezer
http://www.deezer.com/track/990303
http://www.yolkrecords.com/spip/spip.php?article18
tracklist :
01. Urban setting
02. Seven o’clock
03. Pulse
04. R12
05. Bean
06. Egg’s story
07. Too late
08. Tunnelling process
09. Talkin’ to myself
10. Stars
11. Chirpy (part1)
12. Chirpy(part2)
line-up :
Wilfried Chevalier : batterie
Frédéric Chiffoleau : contrebasse, basse
Chloé Cailleton : chant
Jean-Patrick Cosset : Wurlitzer, space echo,Fender Rhodes
François Ripoche : saxophones, flûtes, samples, clavier (7), voix (12)
invitée Anne Morineau : violon
Sample on deezer
http://www.deezer.com/track/990303
Friday, February 06, 2009
Abel Cullum is gong to fight in Japan
http://fiveouncesofpain.com/2009/02/06/kotc-champion-cullum-confirmed-for-dream-featherweight-grand-prix/
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
HOW-TO KIT FOR WRITING THE BLUES
HOW-TO KIT FOR WRITING THE BLUES
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman," is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.Then find something that rhymes ...sort of: "Got a good woman...with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: you stuck in a ditch, ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing isn't the blues..Breaking your leg cuz a'alligator be chompin' on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places for the Blues:
a. ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a' old black man, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot
a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan
or trust fund.
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee.
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water
e. double, decaf, lowfat latte
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willi e
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical
infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus
name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc)
c. last name of U.S. President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
20. I don't care how tragic your life is: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it -- with fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.
(the Original is unknown, who cares?)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thursday, August 23, 2007
spammers on youtube
im totally getting sick of damn spammers on youtube, videos of them SUCK for sure.
Spammers = Crappy videos only
only @ssholes spam for their junks. who will watch videos from those brainless? Could you spammers stop being stupid for 5 mins?
Here `s a part of list of those spammers.
http://www.youtube.com/user/PkNTrainer
http://www.youtube.com/user/Phylo2007
http://www.youtube.com/user/LisaNovaNude
http://www.youtube.com/user/KatinHollywood
http://www.youtube.com/user/KSicProductions
http://www.youtube.com/user/GermanKnives
http://www.youtube.com/user/FrankGrudge
http://www.youtube.com/user/DevlinMurphy
http://www.youtube.com/user/ApauledTV
http://www.youtube.com/user/AmericanFabricator
http://www.youtube.com/user/FrankGrudge
http://www.youtube.com/user/cum4me69699
http://www.youtube.com/user/argabon
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogolution
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheFineBros
http://www.youtube.com/user/iDrawU
http://www.youtube.com/user/seejaylaugh
http://www.youtube.com/user/impeto
http://www.youtube.com/user/DevlinMurphy
http://www.youtube.com/user/australianmusic
http://www.youtube.com/user/KillTheMessengerNow
http://www.youtube.com/user/ApauledTV
http://www.youtube.com/user/dunnston1
http://www.youtube.com/user/stevejones7979
http://www.youtube.com/user/JustHot4U2C
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords
http://www.youtube.com/user/KSicProductions
http://www.youtube.com/user/fitnessfactor
http://www.youtube.com/user/renoirm
http://www.youtube.com/user/georgehartline
http://www.youtube.com/user/Just2hot4u2c
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheWoodcreekFaction
http://www.youtube.com/user/parisitehilton
http://www.youtube.com/user/LisaBotSOLVED
http://www.youtube.com/user/Tara0123a
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlima1
http://www.youtube.com/user/ramrahc
Spammers = Crappy videos only
only @ssholes spam for their junks. who will watch videos from those brainless? Could you spammers stop being stupid for 5 mins?
Here `s a part of list of those spammers.
http://www.youtube.com/user/PkNTrainer
http://www.youtube.com/user/Phylo2007
http://www.youtube.com/user/LisaNovaNude
http://www.youtube.com/user/KatinHollywood
http://www.youtube.com/user/KSicProductions
http://www.youtube.com/user/GermanKnives
http://www.youtube.com/user/FrankGrudge
http://www.youtube.com/user/DevlinMurphy
http://www.youtube.com/user/ApauledTV
http://www.youtube.com/user/AmericanFabricator
http://www.youtube.com/user/FrankGrudge
http://www.youtube.com/user/cum4me69699
http://www.youtube.com/user/argabon
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogolution
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheFineBros
http://www.youtube.com/user/iDrawU
http://www.youtube.com/user/seejaylaugh
http://www.youtube.com/user/impeto
http://www.youtube.com/user/DevlinMurphy
http://www.youtube.com/user/australianmusic
http://www.youtube.com/user/KillTheMessengerNow
http://www.youtube.com/user/ApauledTV
http://www.youtube.com/user/dunnston1
http://www.youtube.com/user/stevejones7979
http://www.youtube.com/user/JustHot4U2C
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords
http://www.youtube.com/user/KSicProductions
http://www.youtube.com/user/fitnessfactor
http://www.youtube.com/user/renoirm
http://www.youtube.com/user/georgehartline
http://www.youtube.com/user/Just2hot4u2c
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheWoodcreekFaction
http://www.youtube.com/user/parisitehilton
http://www.youtube.com/user/LisaBotSOLVED
http://www.youtube.com/user/Tara0123a
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlima1
http://www.youtube.com/user/ramrahc
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Live8
Live8 was less than a week ago, and now its faces to the crisis to be buried.
I didnt like whole shows at all ,couldnt agree with the concepts of Live8. Although its time to support that "world -wide event" against terrorism somehow.
"Sir"(Laugh) Bob Geldof, "Sir" Paul, bono, and that "Sir"(LMFAO) Elton need to unveil their manifesto to this terrorism not to let them bother the main topic of G8 summit of this time. African countries and ppl need help and supporting needless to say. DONT LET THOSE TERRORISTS GET ALL ATTENTIONS OF THE WORLD !
As Sting sang to G8 " I will watchin you", I will watching those political musicians behavior for a while.
http://www.bobgeldof.info/index.html
However i feel very sorry for those victims in London.
Terrorism sucks.
I didnt like whole shows at all ,couldnt agree with the concepts of Live8. Although its time to support that "world -wide event" against terrorism somehow.
"Sir"(Laugh) Bob Geldof, "Sir" Paul, bono, and that "Sir"(LMFAO) Elton need to unveil their manifesto to this terrorism not to let them bother the main topic of G8 summit of this time. African countries and ppl need help and supporting needless to say. DONT LET THOSE TERRORISTS GET ALL ATTENTIONS OF THE WORLD !
As Sting sang to G8 " I will watchin you", I will watching those political musicians behavior for a while.
http://www.bobgeldof.info/index.html
However i feel very sorry for those victims in London.
Terrorism sucks.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Silly Jokes but fun
Here r over 500 silly jokes a guy has collected
*"are you lost?" "No, why?" "'cause I didn't know angels lived on earth."
*The word of the day is "legs". Spread the word.
*If I told you you had a great body would you hold it against me?
*Wanna fuck?
*Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about what comes up?
*Licks his finger and touches her shirt. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes."
*Are you tired yet? You must be, because you keep running through my mind.
*Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said "come."
*You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let's like get into each other's life or whatever.
*Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.
*Uh, get out of my car and into my dreams, baby.
*What's your sign? Is it "Yield"? Huh huh huh huh..
*Would you like carry my books for me?.
*If I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me?.
*I can make you feel like I've never had sex before..
*My lips are registered weapons.
*I'm not trying to pick you up. You're like too heavy. Huh huh huh huh. Get it?
*If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public..
*If you need a love doctor, I have like a medicated degree..
*If you ever had sex with a machine, that's what it's like with me. 'Cause I'm like a sex machine..
*If you're really hot, I bet I can cool you down..
*Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? 'Cause
that's what I'm looking for..
*Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me?.
*You may not be really hot, but I bet you like to do it..
*Uh,...what?
*Hey, baby, do you want me to take off my shorts?
*Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
*Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
*Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
*Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
*Do you take it up the ass?
*Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
*Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
*Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
*Fancy a fuck?
*Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
*Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
*Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
*Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
*Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
*Goup to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck(wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?˛
*Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?
(Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
*Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
*Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
*Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
*Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
*Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
*Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
*Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
*Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
*Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
*Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
*Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
*Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just
practice?
*Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time.
*Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
*Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?
*Hi,wanna fuck? Her: No! Mind lying down while I have one?
*I am a magical being, take off your bra.
*I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
*I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
*I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
*I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
*I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
*I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
*I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
*I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
*I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
*If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
*Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
*Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
*My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
*My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
*Nice shoes, wanna fuck? *Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
*Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
*NOW, BITCH!
*Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
*Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
*Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
*Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
*Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
*The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
*The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
*Wanna fuck like bunnies?
*We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
*What can I do to make you sleep with me?
*What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
*Your face or MINE!?
*Your place or mine?
*I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day lon g!
*Whadda you say we go get liquored up and rape each other?
*Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
*Chick do now.
*I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
*Nice legs, lets eat out.
*Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and *you blow the fuck outta me!
*If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
*You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
*Hi my name is(your name), did I mention I have a penis.
*My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
*Show me your pussy!
*Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming.
*If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
*If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inchs.
*I know where ther is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
*Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
*Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina! *I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
*Dah, wanna see my dink? *(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I
thought they were wings. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
*Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
*Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
*Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
*As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
*Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
*Bond. James Bond.
*Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
*Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
*Do you come here often?
*Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
*Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
*Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
*Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
*Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
*Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
*How was heaven when you left it?
*I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
*I have only three months to live. ..
*I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
*I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
*I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
*I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
*If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
*If I followed you home, would you keep me?
*If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
*Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
*My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
*So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
*Stand still so I can pick you up!
*Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
*What time do you have to be back in heaven?
*What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking.
*What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
*What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
*What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
*What's your sign?
*Where have you been all my life?
*Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
*Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
*Wow. You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
*You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
*Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
*Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
*[Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
*Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
*Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
*[ Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
*Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
*Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is July xx,xxxx, at 10:30 pm, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."
*"Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming."
*Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
*You're daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!"
*You're daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bullseye!
*Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!
*Ouch! My tooth hurts! Target: "Why?" Because you are sooo sweet!
*You must be from Pearl Harber, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
*You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
*Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
*Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
*Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics i would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid date with me.
*You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
*Is your dad a terrorists? Cause you're the bomb.
*Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
*You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
*Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!
*If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
*The only response to these will be..."What?" (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
*Are we related? Do you want to be?
*Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.
*Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
*Do you know how to use a whip? Drop 'em!
*Excuse me, do you live around here often?
*Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
*Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
*Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
*Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
*Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two
fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." *I am very,
very lonely, and I was wonderin'... *I know a great way to burn off the
calories in that pastry you just ate. *I'm drunk. *I'm not trying
anything, I always put my hands there. *I'm on fire. Can I run through
your sprinkler? *If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
*If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK *Like
the look of your crotch. *Pardon me but I was just about to go home and
masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? *
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair. *
Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. *Say, did we go to
different schools together? *That outfit must make a lot of noise in the
dryer, huh. *What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
*Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across! *Would
you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa? *Would you
like to dance or should I go fuck myself again? *Would you like to see
me naked ?? *Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you
remind me of myself? *You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you
cook and clean also? *You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see
where it came from. *You got nice breasts, but what color are your
nipples? Brown or Pink? *You know what I like about you? My arms. *You
know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone
beat me to it. *You know, my mother says you have the smoothest
complexion of anyone she knows. *You look just like my mother. *You look
like a hooker I knew in Fresno. *You remind me of a girl I used to date.
*You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend. *You're 'No Parking' right?
Just trying to guess your sign. *Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call
you Sandy? Really, what time? *Are my undies showing? Answer:"No."
You:"Would you like them to? *I'd walk a million miles over broken glass
just to meet the guy that fucked you last. *If you were a booger I'd
pick you first. *Excuse me , she says "Uh huh", do you have any grey
poupon? no? well we *can still get the sandwich action going on baby....
*hey baby, can i feel yer ginsana? wanna feel mine? *Do you like clocks?
(if yes) put two hands and a face on this.(pointing down) *Do you like
chocolate? (if yes) you can have my bar. *Beer is the root of all evil
Give me a beer i'm a WICKED root! *Hey baby... you got any diseases?
Want some? *I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina. *Is your
name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!! *
Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool? *If I could rearrange
the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double you). *If belly buttons
were a status symbol, then baby you would be god. *Have you ever seen a
tree branch? [Girl] Yes. [Guy] How about a root? *I have four words for
you hol i day inn. *I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
*Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liquir I have ever had. *
Does an elephant taking a shit make you want to fuck everything around
you? *Do you want a worm-do? (woman "whats a worm do?") it does
this..(move *your finger like a worm)~~~~ *I'd call this puppy love but
i'm not into all those new positions. *Wow, your eyebrows are thick. *
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with *
one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. *A women asks,
"Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?" *Are
you free tonight or will it cost me? *At the office copy machine
"Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?" *Baby, I'm an American Express lover....
you shouldn't go home without me! *Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm
them in your heaving breasts? *Can I flirt with you? *Can I please be
your slave tonight? *Can I see your tan lines? *Can you believe that
just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together? *Cold out
isn't it? (staring at breasts) *Congratulations! You've been voted "Most
Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me! *Do
you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in
your pants. *Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow
job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch? *Do you know the essential difference
between sex and conversation? (No.) *Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
*Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. *Do you know, your hair and my
pillow are perfectly color coord inated. *Do you like short love
affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend. *Do you mind if I stare at
you up close instead of from across the room? *Do you spit or swallow? *
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
*Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? *Excuse me, maam, is that dress
felt? Would you like it to be? *Excuse me, miss, do you give head to
strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. *Go up to a
girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi *Laura!" She
says, "I'm not Laura!" And you say, as your hand slips a *little lower,
"But you sure feel like her!" *Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know
what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink. *God must
have been in a very good mood the day we met. *Have you ever played leap
frog naked ?? *Help the homeless. Take me home with you. *Here's a
quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home
tonight. *Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me? *
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you! *Hey!
Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?' *Hi, I need
your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's
putting me up for adoption. *Hi, I'm new to this c ountry and you are
the prettiest sight I've see so *far. Can you give me a tour of your
body? *Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good. *Hi. Are you
legal? *Hi. You'll do. *How about you and I go back to my place and get
out of these wet clothes? *How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I
just wanted know what to *make for you in the morning! *I had a friend
who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you *want to sleep
with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter. *I had a wet
dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality? *I like
your butt, can I wear it as a hat? *I think I could fall madly in bed
with you. *I wanna floss with your pubic hair. *I want to melt in your
mouth, not in your hand. *I wonder what our children will look like. *I
would kill or die to make love with you. *I would say that I'm in love
with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one. *I'd like to
name a multiple orgasm after you. *I'd look good on you. *I'll cook you
dinner if you cook me breakfast. *I'm an organ donor, need anything? *
I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? *I'm
leaving this place..want to cum? *I've got a condom with your name on
it. *I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it? *I've got the ship,
you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night? *If I gave you
a sexy neglige e, would there be anything in it for me? *If I was Elvis,
would you screw me? *If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in
your hole? *If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was
Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays? *Is
that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me? *
Let's have a party and invite your pan ts to come on down. *Lie down. I
think I love you. *Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the
box it came in? *Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When
she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would
cum." *Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! *Pardon me, but
are you a screamer or a moaner? *Picture this, you, me, bubble baths,
and a bottle of champagne. *Shall we talk or continue flirting from a
distance? *Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better? *Sit on
my lap and we'll get things straight between us. *So, come back to my
place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund. *
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation? *That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so
would I. *That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my
bed. *That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming
too. *That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor. *That's a
nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? *There are 265 bones in the human
body. How'd ya like one more? *There must be something wrong with my
eyes, I can't take them off you. *Those are nice jeans, do you think I
could get in them? *Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's
get the hell out of here. *Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I
guess how much you weigh. *Want to come into the garden see my big hard
cucumbers? *Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere? *What do you like
for breakfast? *When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my
head and the hair between your legs? *Which is easier? You getting into
those tight pants or getting you out of them? *Why don't you come over
here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the *first thing that pops up?
*Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? *Will
you marry me for just one night? *Would you be my love buffet? So I can
lay you out on the table and take what I want? *Would you like to come
to a party in my toolshed? *Would you like to have morning coffee with
me? *Would you please come home with me and tie me up... *Ya know, my
mother would just love you if I brought you to my place *tonight and
then to her place tomorrow. *You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd
be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls. *You have some nice
jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand. *You know, I've always
wanted to sleep with you. *You smell wet. Let's Party. *You're good at
math right? Is 69 a perfect square? *Your legs look cold. Do you want me
to warm them up? *Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off? *I love you,
you know. *HEY!!! KITTEN HOW ABOUT SPENDING SOME OF YOUR NINE LIVES WITH
ME? *If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful? *Have you
ever played spank the brunett.....wanta try? *Are those lumber jack
pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood. *Do you like whales? Well
I have a hump-back at my place. *Girl, yo' so fine, I wish I could plant
you and grow a hole filed of you! *You remind me of a championship bass,
I don't know whether to mount you or eat you. *Is your last name
Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get. *I have a
six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears. *HEY BABY, AS LONG AS
I HAVE A FACE YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE TO SIT. *Hi. Can I domesticate
you? *Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited! *Can I
walk through your bushes and climb your mountains? *If you were a car, I
wax you and ride you all over town. *Your belt looks extremely tight.
Let me loosen it for you. *Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look
around your chest? *"Excuse me, but you dropped something back there"
Woman: "What's that?" *You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later
tonite." *I've been a bad boy/girl,so spank me! *Say Baby do you mind if
I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so? *I'm a freelance
gynocologist. How long has it been since your last checkup? *Yeah, it's
big and if you pet it, it spits *You say, "So, did you here the one
about the guy and the girl who had *the most sexual relationship?" The
reply, "No". You respond, "Well then, *let's go to my place and I'll
tell you all about it." *Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why?
Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there" *Nice
dress. Can I talk you out of it? *Let's let only latex stand between our
love. *(Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her
crotch. *Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I
know you! *So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod? *Um...I
need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log? *
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to
mount. *If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?(yes).
If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?(yes) If you
had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?(yes) Hell no, you'd
have a dick in your mouth. *Do you like chips? Because if you are frito
lay than I am a barrel of fun! *I heard your ankles were having a
party... want to invite your pants down? *(Walk into her chest) "If they
weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened. *All those curves, and me
with no brakes. *Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this
world! *Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
*Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. *Did the sun
come out or did you just smile at me? *Didn't I see you on the cover of
Vogue? *Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything,
but you *are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like
I had to tell you." *Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate
and sop you up with a biscuit! *Have you always been this cute, or did
you have to work at it? *Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every
time I see you, you turn me on! *Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the
girl with the beautiful smile. *Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland
last year, weren't you? *I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to
you, the Pretty Woman. *I have had a really bad day and it always makes
me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? *
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away! *I just had to come
talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness. *I know milk does a body good,
but baby, how much have you been drinking? *I think I can die happy now,
cause I've just seen a piece of heaven. *I'm not drunk, I'm just
intoxicated by you. *I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning
to look pretty good. *If I told you that you had a great body, would you
hold it against me? *If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime
rib. *Is it hot in here or is it just you? *Just where do those legs of
yours end? *Let's take a shower together -- you smell. *Nice to meet
you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous! *So, what do you do for a
living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over? *Was
your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince)
like you. *Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some
nice melons! *Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a
finely tuned body? *Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to
look that good. *Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my
heart in a knot. *Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods
to make a goddess. *What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl
in this room? *What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here,
let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off! *Wow! Are those real? *Ya
know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming. *
You are the reason men fall in love. *You know the more I drink, the
prettier you get! *You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just
once! *You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the
other women look really bad. *You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how
many time have you been married? Twice. *You make me melt like hot fudge
on a sundae. *You should be someone's wife. *You're ugly but you
intrigue me. *You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon. *Oh my
sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to *heaven.
Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
*Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? *Hey, You
were great on Bay Watch last night! *If you have a chance to become
anything on earth what would you want to become?" [the answer] you: "
well to me, i want to be your tear drop: i was born in your eyes, live
on your cheeks, and die on your lips. *Babe! you look so fine i could
drink your bath water! *I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm
the only one talking to you. *I'd like to screw your brains out, but it
appears that someone beat me to it. *You might not be the best looking
girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. *You're so hot you
would make the devil sweat. *Baby, you so flat you make the walls
jealous. *If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be
walking through my garden forever. *I bet you could suck the chrome off
a trailor hitch. *I bet you could suck Lincolns head off a penny. *Gee,
for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much. *Are you wearing space pants?
Cause your ass is out of this world. *Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a
term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could
interview you... *If god made any thing better than you he keep it for
him self. *Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy:I looked
at you and dropped mine. *Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you,
because you're the shit! *There must be a lightswitch on my forehead
because everytime I see you, you turn me on! *Damn, I thought
"very-fine" only came in a bottle! *Are you from Tennessee? Because
you're the only ten I see! *Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make
your Bedrock! *Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically
see myself in them. *Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well,
when you want a *MANfriend, come and talk to me. *Do you want to see
something swell? *Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What?
(Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP! *Excuse me, I'm a little
short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together? *Hey
babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks? *Hi, the voices in my head told me
to come over and talk to you. *I am conducting a field test of how many
woman have pierced nipples. *I know I don't look like much now, but I'm
drinking milk. *I'd marry your cat just to get in the family. *I've
gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade. *My friend and I
have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place. *No,
I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? *Pardon me miss, I seem
to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours? *Pardon me, are you
in heat?! *Should I call you in the morning or nudge you? *So, you're a
girl huh? *Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll
loosen her clothes. *Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't
3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. *Would you like to come over to my place
later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five. *You know
how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. *You make my
software turn to hardware! *You're so hot you melt the plastic in my
underwear. *To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well:"Hey,
wanna hook up sometime?" *If you were a booger I'd pick you first. *
Pardon me, have you seen my missing nobel prize around here anywhere? *
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? *Hey baby... drop that
zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me. *
Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name? *
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to *Hi...
would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me real hard!! *Is your name
Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it. *There's this movie I wanted to see and
my mom said I couldn't go by myself..... *Do you work for UPS? I could
have sworn I saw you checking out my package. *When I first saw you, I
knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsle hockey. *Be unique and
different, say yes. *Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the
money? *Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by
again? *Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? *Hi. Are you
cute? *I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a
little. *I'm easy. Are you? *I'm fighting the urge to make you the
happiest woman on earth tonight. *I'm trying to determine after years of
therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. *
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak
heart. *So....How am I doin'? *You see my friend over there? [Point to
friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M
cute. *Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)
*When she's leaving:"Hey, where are you going?" Answer:"home." *
You:"You're not just gonna leave me here like this are you?" *Okay, so I
came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean,
we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing
you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it,
I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some
dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each
other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get
past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that
is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we
move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get
a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want
kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find
that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we
have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the
bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good
care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining
self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification.
You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out
(justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy
are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For
God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it
sexual, because we both know where it's going. *Gee, that's a nice set
of legs, what time do they open? *Does your boyfriend know where you
are? *The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. *If I were
to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this
question? *(Approach a group of them) I'm gonna have sex with you, you,
and you. Alright, who's first? *(Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand
next to me, as long as you don't talk about it." *Chicks dig me. I wear
colored underwear. *Come on, you can't get pregnant again. *Did you know
that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'? *Do I know you
from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on? *Do
you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime? *Excuse me, miss?
Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the
things on my list is a umm....weird chick. *Free mammog rams, get your
free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot! *Have you run into any
trees lately? Then how bout a root! *Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't
make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home.
My, what a pretty dress. *HI! Can I buy you a car? *Hi, I make more
money than you can spend. *I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on
the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Wel l, if it's not, I'd
like to give it to you anyway. *I saw you at the party last weekend and
you look kind of interesting.. *Let's meet sometime... *Is it that cold
out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's *Want to see my stamp
collection? *Want to see my stamp collection? *What's a nice girl like
you doing with a face like that?
*Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
*You have the ass of a great artist.
*If I pet you, would you follow me home?
http://www.reallylost.com/index.html
*"are you lost?" "No, why?" "'cause I didn't know angels lived on earth."
*The word of the day is "legs". Spread the word.
*If I told you you had a great body would you hold it against me?
*Wanna fuck?
*Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about what comes up?
*Licks his finger and touches her shirt. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes."
*Are you tired yet? You must be, because you keep running through my mind.
*Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said "come."
*You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let's like get into each other's life or whatever.
*Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.
*Uh, get out of my car and into my dreams, baby.
*What's your sign? Is it "Yield"? Huh huh huh huh..
*Would you like carry my books for me?.
*If I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me?.
*I can make you feel like I've never had sex before..
*My lips are registered weapons.
*I'm not trying to pick you up. You're like too heavy. Huh huh huh huh. Get it?
*If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public..
*If you need a love doctor, I have like a medicated degree..
*If you ever had sex with a machine, that's what it's like with me. 'Cause I'm like a sex machine..
*If you're really hot, I bet I can cool you down..
*Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? 'Cause
that's what I'm looking for..
*Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me?.
*You may not be really hot, but I bet you like to do it..
*Uh,...what?
*Hey, baby, do you want me to take off my shorts?
*Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
*Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
*Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
*Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
*Do you take it up the ass?
*Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
*Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
*Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
*Fancy a fuck?
*Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
*Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
*Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
*Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
*Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
*Goup to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck(wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?˛
*Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?
(Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
*Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
*Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
*Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
*Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
*Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
*Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
*Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
*Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
*Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
*Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
*Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
*Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just
practice?
*Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time.
*Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
*Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?
*Hi,wanna fuck? Her: No! Mind lying down while I have one?
*I am a magical being, take off your bra.
*I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
*I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
*I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
*I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
*I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
*I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
*I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
*I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
*I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
*If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
*Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
*Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
*My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
*My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
*Nice shoes, wanna fuck? *Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
*Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
*NOW, BITCH!
*Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
*Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
*Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
*Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
*Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
*The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
*The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
*Wanna fuck like bunnies?
*We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
*What can I do to make you sleep with me?
*What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
*Your face or MINE!?
*Your place or mine?
*I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day lon g!
*Whadda you say we go get liquored up and rape each other?
*Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
*Chick do now.
*I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
*Nice legs, lets eat out.
*Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and *you blow the fuck outta me!
*If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
*You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
*Hi my name is(your name), did I mention I have a penis.
*My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
*Show me your pussy!
*Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming.
*If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
*If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inchs.
*I know where ther is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
*Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
*Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina! *I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
*Dah, wanna see my dink? *(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I
thought they were wings. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
*Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
*Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
*Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
*As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
*Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
*Bond. James Bond.
*Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
*Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
*Do you come here often?
*Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
*Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
*Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
*Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
*Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
*Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
*How was heaven when you left it?
*I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
*I have only three months to live. ..
*I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
*I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
*I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
*I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
*If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
*If I followed you home, would you keep me?
*If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
*Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
*My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
*So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
*Stand still so I can pick you up!
*Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
*What time do you have to be back in heaven?
*What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking.
*What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
*What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
*What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
*What's your sign?
*Where have you been all my life?
*Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
*Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
*Wow. You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
*You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
*Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
*Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
*[Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
*Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
*Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
*[ Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
*Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
*Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is July xx,xxxx, at 10:30 pm, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."
*"Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming."
*Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
*You're daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!"
*You're daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bullseye!
*Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!
*Ouch! My tooth hurts! Target: "Why?" Because you are sooo sweet!
*You must be from Pearl Harber, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
*You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
*Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
*Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
*Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics i would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid date with me.
*You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
*Is your dad a terrorists? Cause you're the bomb.
*Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
*You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
*Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!
*If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
*The only response to these will be..."What?" (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
*Are we related? Do you want to be?
*Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.
*Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
*Do you know how to use a whip? Drop 'em!
*Excuse me, do you live around here often?
*Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
*Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
*Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
*Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
*Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two
fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." *I am very,
very lonely, and I was wonderin'... *I know a great way to burn off the
calories in that pastry you just ate. *I'm drunk. *I'm not trying
anything, I always put my hands there. *I'm on fire. Can I run through
your sprinkler? *If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
*If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK *Like
the look of your crotch. *Pardon me but I was just about to go home and
masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? *
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair. *
Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. *Say, did we go to
different schools together? *That outfit must make a lot of noise in the
dryer, huh. *What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
*Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across! *Would
you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa? *Would you
like to dance or should I go fuck myself again? *Would you like to see
me naked ?? *Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you
remind me of myself? *You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you
cook and clean also? *You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see
where it came from. *You got nice breasts, but what color are your
nipples? Brown or Pink? *You know what I like about you? My arms. *You
know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone
beat me to it. *You know, my mother says you have the smoothest
complexion of anyone she knows. *You look just like my mother. *You look
like a hooker I knew in Fresno. *You remind me of a girl I used to date.
*You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend. *You're 'No Parking' right?
Just trying to guess your sign. *Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call
you Sandy? Really, what time? *Are my undies showing? Answer:"No."
You:"Would you like them to? *I'd walk a million miles over broken glass
just to meet the guy that fucked you last. *If you were a booger I'd
pick you first. *Excuse me , she says "Uh huh", do you have any grey
poupon? no? well we *can still get the sandwich action going on baby....
*hey baby, can i feel yer ginsana? wanna feel mine? *Do you like clocks?
(if yes) put two hands and a face on this.(pointing down) *Do you like
chocolate? (if yes) you can have my bar. *Beer is the root of all evil
Give me a beer i'm a WICKED root! *Hey baby... you got any diseases?
Want some? *I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina. *Is your
name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!! *
Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool? *If I could rearrange
the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double you). *If belly buttons
were a status symbol, then baby you would be god. *Have you ever seen a
tree branch? [Girl] Yes. [Guy] How about a root? *I have four words for
you hol i day inn. *I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
*Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liquir I have ever had. *
Does an elephant taking a shit make you want to fuck everything around
you? *Do you want a worm-do? (woman "whats a worm do?") it does
this..(move *your finger like a worm)~~~~ *I'd call this puppy love but
i'm not into all those new positions. *Wow, your eyebrows are thick. *
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with *
one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. *A women asks,
"Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?" *Are
you free tonight or will it cost me? *At the office copy machine
"Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?" *Baby, I'm an American Express lover....
you shouldn't go home without me! *Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm
them in your heaving breasts? *Can I flirt with you? *Can I please be
your slave tonight? *Can I see your tan lines? *Can you believe that
just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together? *Cold out
isn't it? (staring at breasts) *Congratulations! You've been voted "Most
Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me! *Do
you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in
your pants. *Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow
job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch? *Do you know the essential difference
between sex and conversation? (No.) *Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
*Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. *Do you know, your hair and my
pillow are perfectly color coord inated. *Do you like short love
affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend. *Do you mind if I stare at
you up close instead of from across the room? *Do you spit or swallow? *
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
*Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? *Excuse me, maam, is that dress
felt? Would you like it to be? *Excuse me, miss, do you give head to
strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. *Go up to a
girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi *Laura!" She
says, "I'm not Laura!" And you say, as your hand slips a *little lower,
"But you sure feel like her!" *Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know
what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink. *God must
have been in a very good mood the day we met. *Have you ever played leap
frog naked ?? *Help the homeless. Take me home with you. *Here's a
quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home
tonight. *Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me? *
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you! *Hey!
Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?' *Hi, I need
your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's
putting me up for adoption. *Hi, I'm new to this c ountry and you are
the prettiest sight I've see so *far. Can you give me a tour of your
body? *Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good. *Hi. Are you
legal? *Hi. You'll do. *How about you and I go back to my place and get
out of these wet clothes? *How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I
just wanted know what to *make for you in the morning! *I had a friend
who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you *want to sleep
with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter. *I had a wet
dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality? *I like
your butt, can I wear it as a hat? *I think I could fall madly in bed
with you. *I wanna floss with your pubic hair. *I want to melt in your
mouth, not in your hand. *I wonder what our children will look like. *I
would kill or die to make love with you. *I would say that I'm in love
with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one. *I'd like to
name a multiple orgasm after you. *I'd look good on you. *I'll cook you
dinner if you cook me breakfast. *I'm an organ donor, need anything? *
I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? *I'm
leaving this place..want to cum? *I've got a condom with your name on
it. *I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it? *I've got the ship,
you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night? *If I gave you
a sexy neglige e, would there be anything in it for me? *If I was Elvis,
would you screw me? *If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in
your hole? *If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was
Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays? *Is
that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me? *
Let's have a party and invite your pan ts to come on down. *Lie down. I
think I love you. *Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the
box it came in? *Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When
she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would
cum." *Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! *Pardon me, but
are you a screamer or a moaner? *Picture this, you, me, bubble baths,
and a bottle of champagne. *Shall we talk or continue flirting from a
distance? *Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better? *Sit on
my lap and we'll get things straight between us. *So, come back to my
place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund. *
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation? *That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so
would I. *That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my
bed. *That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming
too. *That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor. *That's a
nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? *There are 265 bones in the human
body. How'd ya like one more? *There must be something wrong with my
eyes, I can't take them off you. *Those are nice jeans, do you think I
could get in them? *Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's
get the hell out of here. *Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I
guess how much you weigh. *Want to come into the garden see my big hard
cucumbers? *Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere? *What do you like
for breakfast? *When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my
head and the hair between your legs? *Which is easier? You getting into
those tight pants or getting you out of them? *Why don't you come over
here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the *first thing that pops up?
*Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? *Will
you marry me for just one night? *Would you be my love buffet? So I can
lay you out on the table and take what I want? *Would you like to come
to a party in my toolshed? *Would you like to have morning coffee with
me? *Would you please come home with me and tie me up... *Ya know, my
mother would just love you if I brought you to my place *tonight and
then to her place tomorrow. *You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd
be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls. *You have some nice
jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand. *You know, I've always
wanted to sleep with you. *You smell wet. Let's Party. *You're good at
math right? Is 69 a perfect square? *Your legs look cold. Do you want me
to warm them up? *Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off? *I love you,
you know. *HEY!!! KITTEN HOW ABOUT SPENDING SOME OF YOUR NINE LIVES WITH
ME? *If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful? *Have you
ever played spank the brunett.....wanta try? *Are those lumber jack
pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood. *Do you like whales? Well
I have a hump-back at my place. *Girl, yo' so fine, I wish I could plant
you and grow a hole filed of you! *You remind me of a championship bass,
I don't know whether to mount you or eat you. *Is your last name
Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get. *I have a
six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears. *HEY BABY, AS LONG AS
I HAVE A FACE YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE TO SIT. *Hi. Can I domesticate
you? *Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited! *Can I
walk through your bushes and climb your mountains? *If you were a car, I
wax you and ride you all over town. *Your belt looks extremely tight.
Let me loosen it for you. *Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look
around your chest? *"Excuse me, but you dropped something back there"
Woman: "What's that?" *You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later
tonite." *I've been a bad boy/girl,so spank me! *Say Baby do you mind if
I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so? *I'm a freelance
gynocologist. How long has it been since your last checkup? *Yeah, it's
big and if you pet it, it spits *You say, "So, did you here the one
about the guy and the girl who had *the most sexual relationship?" The
reply, "No". You respond, "Well then, *let's go to my place and I'll
tell you all about it." *Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why?
Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there" *Nice
dress. Can I talk you out of it? *Let's let only latex stand between our
love. *(Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her
crotch. *Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I
know you! *So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod? *Um...I
need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log? *
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to
mount. *If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?(yes).
If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?(yes) If you
had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?(yes) Hell no, you'd
have a dick in your mouth. *Do you like chips? Because if you are frito
lay than I am a barrel of fun! *I heard your ankles were having a
party... want to invite your pants down? *(Walk into her chest) "If they
weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened. *All those curves, and me
with no brakes. *Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this
world! *Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
*Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. *Did the sun
come out or did you just smile at me? *Didn't I see you on the cover of
Vogue? *Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything,
but you *are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like
I had to tell you." *Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate
and sop you up with a biscuit! *Have you always been this cute, or did
you have to work at it? *Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every
time I see you, you turn me on! *Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the
girl with the beautiful smile. *Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland
last year, weren't you? *I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to
you, the Pretty Woman. *I have had a really bad day and it always makes
me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? *
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away! *I just had to come
talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness. *I know milk does a body good,
but baby, how much have you been drinking? *I think I can die happy now,
cause I've just seen a piece of heaven. *I'm not drunk, I'm just
intoxicated by you. *I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning
to look pretty good. *If I told you that you had a great body, would you
hold it against me? *If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime
rib. *Is it hot in here or is it just you? *Just where do those legs of
yours end? *Let's take a shower together -- you smell. *Nice to meet
you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous! *So, what do you do for a
living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over? *Was
your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince)
like you. *Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some
nice melons! *Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a
finely tuned body? *Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to
look that good. *Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my
heart in a knot. *Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods
to make a goddess. *What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl
in this room? *What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here,
let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off! *Wow! Are those real? *Ya
know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming. *
You are the reason men fall in love. *You know the more I drink, the
prettier you get! *You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just
once! *You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the
other women look really bad. *You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how
many time have you been married? Twice. *You make me melt like hot fudge
on a sundae. *You should be someone's wife. *You're ugly but you
intrigue me. *You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon. *Oh my
sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to *heaven.
Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
*Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? *Hey, You
were great on Bay Watch last night! *If you have a chance to become
anything on earth what would you want to become?" [the answer] you: "
well to me, i want to be your tear drop: i was born in your eyes, live
on your cheeks, and die on your lips. *Babe! you look so fine i could
drink your bath water! *I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm
the only one talking to you. *I'd like to screw your brains out, but it
appears that someone beat me to it. *You might not be the best looking
girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. *You're so hot you
would make the devil sweat. *Baby, you so flat you make the walls
jealous. *If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be
walking through my garden forever. *I bet you could suck the chrome off
a trailor hitch. *I bet you could suck Lincolns head off a penny. *Gee,
for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much. *Are you wearing space pants?
Cause your ass is out of this world. *Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a
term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could
interview you... *If god made any thing better than you he keep it for
him self. *Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy:I looked
at you and dropped mine. *Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you,
because you're the shit! *There must be a lightswitch on my forehead
because everytime I see you, you turn me on! *Damn, I thought
"very-fine" only came in a bottle! *Are you from Tennessee? Because
you're the only ten I see! *Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make
your Bedrock! *Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically
see myself in them. *Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well,
when you want a *MANfriend, come and talk to me. *Do you want to see
something swell? *Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What?
(Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP! *Excuse me, I'm a little
short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together? *Hey
babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks? *Hi, the voices in my head told me
to come over and talk to you. *I am conducting a field test of how many
woman have pierced nipples. *I know I don't look like much now, but I'm
drinking milk. *I'd marry your cat just to get in the family. *I've
gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade. *My friend and I
have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place. *No,
I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? *Pardon me miss, I seem
to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours? *Pardon me, are you
in heat?! *Should I call you in the morning or nudge you? *So, you're a
girl huh? *Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll
loosen her clothes. *Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't
3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. *Would you like to come over to my place
later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five. *You know
how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. *You make my
software turn to hardware! *You're so hot you melt the plastic in my
underwear. *To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well:"Hey,
wanna hook up sometime?" *If you were a booger I'd pick you first. *
Pardon me, have you seen my missing nobel prize around here anywhere? *
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? *Hey baby... drop that
zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me. *
Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name? *
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to *Hi...
would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me real hard!! *Is your name
Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it. *There's this movie I wanted to see and
my mom said I couldn't go by myself..... *Do you work for UPS? I could
have sworn I saw you checking out my package. *When I first saw you, I
knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsle hockey. *Be unique and
different, say yes. *Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the
money? *Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by
again? *Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? *Hi. Are you
cute? *I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a
little. *I'm easy. Are you? *I'm fighting the urge to make you the
happiest woman on earth tonight. *I'm trying to determine after years of
therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. *
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak
heart. *So....How am I doin'? *You see my friend over there? [Point to
friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M
cute. *Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)
*When she's leaving:"Hey, where are you going?" Answer:"home." *
You:"You're not just gonna leave me here like this are you?" *Okay, so I
came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean,
we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing
you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it,
I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some
dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each
other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get
past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that
is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we
move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get
a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want
kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find
that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we
have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the
bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good
care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining
self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification.
You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out
(justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy
are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For
God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it
sexual, because we both know where it's going. *Gee, that's a nice set
of legs, what time do they open? *Does your boyfriend know where you
are? *The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. *If I were
to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this
question? *(Approach a group of them) I'm gonna have sex with you, you,
and you. Alright, who's first? *(Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand
next to me, as long as you don't talk about it." *Chicks dig me. I wear
colored underwear. *Come on, you can't get pregnant again. *Did you know
that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'? *Do I know you
from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on? *Do
you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime? *Excuse me, miss?
Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the
things on my list is a umm....weird chick. *Free mammog rams, get your
free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot! *Have you run into any
trees lately? Then how bout a root! *Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't
make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home.
My, what a pretty dress. *HI! Can I buy you a car? *Hi, I make more
money than you can spend. *I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on
the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Wel l, if it's not, I'd
like to give it to you anyway. *I saw you at the party last weekend and
you look kind of interesting.. *Let's meet sometime... *Is it that cold
out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's *Want to see my stamp
collection? *Want to see my stamp collection? *What's a nice girl like
you doing with a face like that?
*Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
*You have the ass of a great artist.
*If I pet you, would you follow me home?
http://www.reallylost.com/index.html
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Rant
Heeeey, how’s it going? I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I’m tired of going into nude chat site and seeing brainless admins and money slave models!!Go fuck yourself with a fucking loaf of bread! Stop shoving this chat thingy in my face! When I go to nude chat site, I know its bad for me, but I don’t care, I like it, and I’m gonna watch it, I don’t wanna have to see signs, reminding me of, how bad of adult site I’m on.“You’re not dating right, so we’re gonna have to put who`s online menus on there for people who want to wank an alternative kinky lifestyle.”You wanna wank in alternative kinky style? Grow some vegetables in your backyard, pick em, and eat em, and fuck your own damn salad! Stop cluttering up your bills of Credit cards, with your stupid low IQ crap! Okay?
YOU ALL ZACK
YOU ALL ZACK
Thursday, December 16, 2004
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